I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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