whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
