Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
