Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
