i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
