He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
