I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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