return my video game
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
