hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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