Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
