I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Enjoy the penises
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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