True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize