I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
