im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
