He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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