Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
