They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
