After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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