when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
