trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
