I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
