Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
