the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
