And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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