i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
