Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
