Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for

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(847): View more from Illinois

Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.

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(631): View more from New York

My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood

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(847): View more from Illinois

YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU

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(602): View more from Arizona

He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow

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(254): View more from Texas

You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.

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(607): View more from New York

I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is

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