I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
