there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize