i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize