The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
