i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
