She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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