but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
