Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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