I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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