Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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