So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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