At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
