Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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