very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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