A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
