His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
