Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
