Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
