just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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