How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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