i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
