im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
