i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
