I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
