hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
