friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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