He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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