I smell stomach acid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize