you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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