woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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