so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
