A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish I only lived at night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
