Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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