You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
