NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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