so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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