i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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