The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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