I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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