At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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