cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
