Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize