why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
