using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
