Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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