why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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