We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
