Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize