But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
