I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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