i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
