My cat gives me a boner
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
