And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
