Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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