I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
