When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
