feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
