the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
