he shaved USA in his pubs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
