That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
