Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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