I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
